I am excited to announce that I am now able to read by myself! It wasn't easy but I have conquered the strong urge to taste my books. That is the most difficult thing about reading. Reading equals resisting. My human says she doesn't have that problem. She says her biggest problem is resisting the desire to squeeze me too hard because I am so soft and cozy.
I learned how to read at a very early age. The tone of my human's voice often put me to sleep. I could tell that she was very interested in this form of entertainment. I would rather dig a hole but hey, sometimes I was not allowed outside. Especially by myself. If only she would let me TASTE the book. It might be more meaningful like that.
At first she said, “Not in the bed”
And that , I thought, was tragic!
But I would say, just give it a day
So I could work my magic.
She couldn’t resist my whimsical ways,
My coat that hadn’t a flaw,
And in a few hours I’d rendered my powers
Winding her ‘round my paw.
"Ahem...." Wait wait wait.... "Umm...excuse me please. I see you are brushing your teeth. What flavour is your toothpaste? Mine is meat.....Really?....Do you have to take that long? I am trying to be patient, but....I think it's my turn now. Hurry up please. I only have so much patience and then. Grrrr!"
Did you know that I like to Dig? Digging is my favourite pass time. Snow holes don't smell the same as dirt holes. Nothing can stop me from Digging. Not even snow. But wait... my human can end a good Dig. She just picks me up and holds me. She says my paws get too cold. I didn't notice. Then she wraps me up in her sweater and we sit by the fire. I complain a little bit because, hey! What is at the bottom of that hole? Will I ever find out?
You silly human! You thought I was sleeping! Don't you know that I hear EVERYTHING?
I sleep, I snore,
but can't ignore
a voice or scent
I even hear it
through my dreams
when mice creep
through the grasses.
So don't think you can fool me by sneaking something out of the fridge when my eyes are closed.
I am practicing. I don't really know what I am practicing for, I just know it's important. I need to hang on. If it escapes I need to chase it. When I have it I need to shake it. When it pulls, I need to pull back harder. I need to be stronger, faster and wittier than this thing, this fascinating thing that makes me feel like a wolf. That's how I feel when I am fighting with it. I want to kill it. When it squeaks it drives me crazy. It pulls the growl from my throat and I can sound pretty vicious, believe me. I can be as deadly as a....a.... a Polecat.
Being a whirling dervish is awesome....until CRASH! One minute I am chasing toys, racing in circles, or wrestling with anything I can get my mouth on. The next thing I know, I don't know. All I can see is behind my eyelids, which is a repeat, or a new version of what happened that day. My human asks me what I am dreaming about. She says that my paws jerk, my lips quiver and my tail thumps in a happy circle when I sleep. She also says that she can't keep her hands off of me. I don't notice. Sleep is over rated however. I try to make them very short. Like my legs.
"Are you sure? I was positive that you put this here for me."
I rip I tear, whatever's there
If you say "no!" I will not care.
A scarf, a cap, or underwear,
Just watch your skin, don't leave it bare.
I am a wiener of many names. I was tagged Taz shortly after I was born. Hmmm....whatever could that mean? I didn't have time to care. My diverse interests changed from one moment to the next. My new family named me Pocket hoping to tone down the Taz element. But I continued tasting and tearing everything in sight. I even tore my human a few times. The word "repercussions" didn't mean much to me. (Come on! It was all in fun!) My human was so proud of me that she was texting photos of me to everyone she knew. I heard her grumbling about spellcheck. It kept changing my name to Polecat. When she found out what a Polecat was she quit trying to change it back to Pocket. I mean...Polecat? Doesn't every wiener aspire to Polecat-ness?