"Hey! Get BACK here! Don't turn your back on me. Anything could happen in this strange place far from home. I mean this isn't even Canada for Pete's sake!The gun laws are different! Hey, Come back here!"
I bet you thought I was sleeping! Just so you know... I have very sensitive ears. I am aware of what is going on around me ALL the time. Yes, really. I might look like I am asleep but trust me, I .... and all others like me ... have super powers. We hear things that you humans are not even aware of. Sounds you haven't even thought of before. My ears tell me when I need to open my eyes. And I have my eyes on you, my human. If you think you are having a private moment, think again.
I am excited to announce that I am now able to read by myself! It wasn't easy but I have conquered the strong urge to taste my books. That is the most difficult thing about reading. Reading equals resisting. My human says she doesn't have that problem. She says her biggest problem is resisting the desire to squeeze me too hard because I am so soft and cozy.
I learned how to read at a very early age. The tone of my human's voice often put me to sleep. I could tell that she was very interested in this form of entertainment. I would rather dig a hole but hey, sometimes I was not allowed outside. Especially by myself. If only she would let me TASTE the book. It might be more meaningful like that.
At first she said, “Not in the bed”
And that , I thought, was tragic!
But I would say, just give it a day
So I could work my magic.
She couldn’t resist my whimsical ways,
My coat that hadn’t a flaw,
And in a few hours I’d rendered my powers
Winding her ‘round my paw.
"Ahem...." Wait wait wait.... "Umm...excuse me please. I see you are brushing your teeth. What flavour is your toothpaste? Mine is meat.....Really?....Do you have to take that long? I am trying to be patient, but....I think it's my turn now. Hurry up please. I only have so much patience and then. Grrrr!"
Did you know that I like to Dig? Digging is my favourite pass time. Snow holes don't smell the same as dirt holes. Nothing can stop me from Digging. Not even snow. But wait... my human can end a good Dig. She just picks me up and holds me. She says my paws get too cold. I didn't notice. Then she wraps me up in her sweater and we sit by the fire. I complain a little bit because, hey! What is at the bottom of that hole? Will I ever find out?
You silly human! You thought I was sleeping! Don't you know that I hear EVERYTHING?
I sleep, I snore,
but can't ignore
a voice or scent
I even hear it
through my dreams
when mice creep
through the grasses.
So don't think you can fool me by sneaking something out of the fridge when my eyes are closed.
I am practicing. I don't really know what I am practicing for, I just know it's important. I need to hang on. If it escapes I need to chase it. When I have it I need to shake it. When it pulls, I need to pull back harder. I need to be stronger, faster and wittier than this thing, this fascinating thing that makes me feel like a wolf. That's how I feel when I am fighting with it. I want to kill it. When it squeaks it drives me crazy. It pulls the growl from my throat and I can sound pretty vicious, believe me. I can be as deadly as a....a.... a Polecat.
Being a whirling dervish is awesome....until CRASH! One minute I am chasing toys, racing in circles, or wrestling with anything I can get my mouth on. The next thing I know, I don't know. All I can see is behind my eyelids, which is a repeat, or a new version of what happened that day. My human asks me what I am dreaming about. She says that my paws jerk, my lips quiver and my tail thumps in a happy circle when I sleep. She also says that she can't keep her hands off of me. I don't notice. Sleep is over rated however. I try to make them very short. Like my legs.
I am Polecat's human. She has difficulty fully expressing herself without me. So I told her I would write and post photos for her. She wants you to know that she is a poet.